Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Ben and Ben
You may be unaware, but I share my name with a fictional rat from a movie (also named "Ben") made in 1972. I also share my name with a Michael Jackson song made for the movie about the fictional rat. I am usually reminded about Ben the rat about once a week by a guy at work named Cornelius who likes to sing the Michael Jackson song to me. It goes like this: "Ben, the two of us need look no more...We both found what we were looking for..."So I tell you this to accent the irony of my experience last night.
I decided to be productive with my time after work and do some laundry. This requires me to go back to 9 Rotary St (I have been sleeping at the new house). About 2 months ago, I discovered a suspicious hole in the dog food bag in the pantry, and also had heard some thuds in the kitchen at night. Jonny and I ascertained that we had a rat. About a month ago, Jonny came home (I was asleep) and found the rat staring up at him from the kitchen floor, proud as life and big as day. Jonny says that he has seen rats before and that he isn't scared of them. Big man, tough guy... yeh, yeh, yeh. He should have killed it while he had the chance.
The only place I have previously seen rats was in the alleyways in the slums of China. I remember being a little sicked out seeing them there, but it was not intimidating. I mean, we were outside in open space. The rats could run anywhere, the people could run anywhere, and the likelihood of a rat-pedestrian encounter was pretty improbable, unless you had cheese tied to your ankles.
Well... last night, I went to the house to do my laundry. I thought I heard a little scurry-scurry when I turned on the light, so I handled the situation how I normally do. I talked to the rat in my threatening ghetto voice. I said, "Rat, don't make me kill you. You better find a hole and hide cause I'm here to do my laundry. Get out of my way, you dirty little hooker." (That's really how I talk to the rat whom I had previously never seen but only heard)
I walk across the kitchen and open the washer lid. This rat comes thudding out from behind the washer about a yard away from my feet. I literally leapt on top of the dryer and started yelling "AAAAAHHHH!" until he made his way across the kitchen and went behind the water heater. Then, I thought to myself, I bet the Mexicans are hearing this, so I toned it down to just a little "aaaaahhh!" What if he had latched onto my ankle! I would be in the hospital for rabies or something. About two minutes later I got down from the dryer and did my laundry really fast and thanked God that I don't live in that stank nasty house anymore.
I really think I could better handle a snake. I feel like if I yelled at the snake, he would get mad. So seeing a snake, I would have some motivation to act a bit cooler. You know, treat him like he wasn't there while I reached for a shovel or something. Rats... different story. Yelling has no adverse effects that I know of. Plus, they are gross. They deserve yelling. I don't think there were rats in Eden. I am pretty sure they might be in hell.
So anyhow. Ben the boy met Ben the rat last night, and neither the boy nor the rat sang any Michael Jackson songs.
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Say Ben, if you guys owned a giant snake you wouldn't have any rat problems.... of course not giant enough to eat buckshot.
Hahahahaha... This def. goes up with one of the funniest posts ever. I laugh... but I know I would have probably been a little less cool than even you were if there was a rat in my house (or dorm).
Dude...
You crack me up!! I will forever have a vision in my head of you--knees in chest-- screaming AHHHHH sitting on the dryer. Hey look, it must be a family trait...ask me to tell you the possum story sometime!
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You crack me up!! I will forever have a vision in my head of you--knees in chest-- screaming AHHHHH sitting on the dryer. Hey look, it must be a family trait...ask me to tell you the possum story sometime!
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